Dear God,
Please be with me in the time that I write this note. Thank You for giving me life and allowing me to share life with others. No matter how distracted I get, no matter how much time I waste, all I can do in the end is rest in You, and know that You are always there. You are my one and only, the first and the last, and I will follow you. Thank You, Thank You, Thank You.
Amen.
I have not written a note or a blog in a while so I feel that I should start by summing things up since my last Blog that I wrote when I was in San Pedro Sula, Honduras. The entire blog can be found at http://masvida2010.blogspot.com/. You can start at the beginning if you want to see the awesome things that we did when we were there.
Before we went on the trip, I saw a decline in my church of over ten years. I didn't know what it was, I could not seem to get any context out of the Sunday sermons from the pastor. It became an internal battle. I thought for a while that it was my fault and that I wasn't "spiritual" enough. I didn't think that I knew enough about the bible to ask questions and be prepared to converse with the pastor about what I "thought" was wrong. I went on the Honduras mission to: #1 Serve God. In the months leading up to the trip, after sending five support letters, my entire trip was funded. Everything came together perfectly when I let God do all of the planning. I knew that I was not in control.
#2 To see if missions was right for me. I learned a lot in the process, but I still have a lot of learning and praying to do.
(please feel free to help me with the prayer part)
#3 to help my undying prayer that my church of ten years, whose pastor I loved and was like family to me. The church that I attended when I gave my life to Christ, the congregation that was there for me in all of my uphill battles. That I would figure out for sure if the Holy Spirit was actually IN the church.
In the weeks after the trip, things only got worse, my prayers doubled, and I fell into a hole of depression. Instead of giving sermons from the pulpit, the pastor showed different video messages from Great speakers such as John Piper, Louie Gigglio, Ed Ham, and more. With no discussion or study guide, we(the sheep) were left to find our way without (the Shepard). He told me that he did this because he wanted the best possible instruction from the people who had Master's and Doctorates in certain subjects to teach us.
I took my concerns to the pastor after many weeks of prayer. Instead of talking with me through each of my concerns, which is what I prepared for, he immediately got angry. I never intended to hurt him with my battle, with my uncertainty, with my loss of hope for the congregation. What I prepared for was a calm and collected "let's work through this" conversation. Instead, it turned into a one-sided yelling match about how I was not saved and he knew that I would not last. Needless to say, all of my questions were answered. He did say one thing that will stick with me forever. "Matt, let me put it this way. You are at a restaurant, and ordered a steak. I am the server, and tell you that all I have is a cheese burger. You insist on wanting the steak, even though the cheese burger will nourish you and keep you fed. Instead of taking the cheese burger, you get up and leave."
I did not have an answer for him then. The more and more I thought about it. I honestly was seated at my table and all I had ordered was water. The "server" told someone else to get it for me, and somewhere, I am not sure where, the message was lost in translation. So I remained thirsty. When I brought this to the "server's" attention, he got angry and told me that he told someone else to give me the water because they were much better at pouring it into a glass.
I hate that we couldn't work things out, but I know that God is working. After I left, I found an AWESOME College Group and now I am a regular attendee on Sunday mornings as well. I cannot tell you how much it means to me to have a community of like-minded Christians my age that I can worship and fellowship with. On my first Sunday night at the college group, I was SO FED! I was in shock to see what I had missed for the last ten years. I remember thinking "this is what the LIVING, BREATHING, AWESOME word of God sounds like."
I am really excited to see what God is going to do in my life this year. I have so much to be thankful for, so many friends that I have made. Some who mean more to me than they will ever know.
Thanks for Reading, it feels good to have organized thoughts. Believe me, there is more to come!
Matthew James Reece-Lewis
